Sunday, March 17, 2013

I don't care what I look like

What a week it has been.  Ill write more about it, but as I sit in the airport one experience has really been on my heart.  Nearly every day we worshipped with the Dream Center.  Many times it was at the Angeles Temple, others was in a basketball gym. Sounds like ACU, right? But, this wasn't like chapel at ACU.  When I arrived at ACU I could not get enough of chapel.  I loved every moment of it, the singing, the speakers, & all of my friends.  But, when next semester came, some of the speakers were the same & most of the songs were for sure.  This week we spent at the Dream Center was worship like I had never participated in.  Everyone stood, nearly everyone had hands raised, & everyone was there.  There, yes everyone attention was there.  Where it needed to be, focused on God.  Now, I understand many people don't feel comfortable with some worship styles suck as hand raising, etc, but the mindset if others in the room was something to admire.  Everyone in the room was up.  Dancing for The Lord, praying with a neighbor, on their knees praying.  No one cared what they looked like while praising.  I then thought, wow wouldn't it be awesome if we had worship every day,  I then realized we did.
  This isn't a post mean to bash ACU chapel, the songs, leaders, etc.  In fact, maybe I'm writing this here to motivate myself more than anything else.  The mind sight I approach chapel with seeing it as a chore, when I see my significant other.  Maybe, if I started seeing it as I did in the Dream Center, where I don't care how others see me worshipping, I don't care how I stand out if my arm rises.  If I start caring less about what the other people around me on their phones, doing their homework, & their conversation then maybe I would start being in another conversation from Heaven.  
 Maybe this week showed me what it looks when a bunch of broken people give up titles, & say God is all I need.  Who am I kidding, I say God is all I need, but how do I exemplify that in my life?  Sure, God I lost an engagement, haven't lived with my parents in 10 years, but it could be worse.  I want to keep seeking Him so much in my life.  I want to prove it to Him however I can.  That'll be my worship. I'm so glad God doesn't pay the same attention to me that I do to him.  Never forget your child, I'm here. Help my poor faith.  

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

One of those days...

Ever have a day where nothing goes right?  I had one today.  One of those days where you come back to the ground, and then lower.  Today was one where I really wanted to shake a fist at God.  Where I wanted to say, “Hey God aren’t I doing the right things?  Are not my motives pure?  Funny how my plans are not His plans.  I find it very easy to ask God a question when something goes wrong in my life, and very easy to never question Him when something goes right in my life.  When I’m in pain and hurting emotionally it’s easy to look up at the sky and say,”Hey God can’t you see I’m hurting? Can’t you see your child?
            But, when things are going well I often forget to ask God, “What have I done to deserve your favor?”  It’s much easier to praise God in the storm than to when the path is clear and easy to see.  When plans don’t go as well planned and life looks like a mystery I know God is calling out to me for His attention.  I’m so thankful that God doesn’t pay attention to me like I do to Him.  He loves me more than I deserve.  I worry so much about success in this world and hanging up multiple degrees on a wall that hardly anyone could care less about I forget why I’m on this earth.  I go to work and work hard, but what am I honestly doing for the Kingdom.  When I sit at my desk and distribute money, what am I really doing for the Lord? 
            When life gives you things that are unexpected, you begin to question everything you do.  I’m thankful that God doesn’t let me become comfortable in my life.  I never want to sit back and watch from the sidelines.  I don’t want to be comfortable, a cross on your back should not be comfortable.  I need you Lord, more than I ever have.  Mold me into your image, never be satisfied with me.