Sunday, September 29, 2013

Do I belong?

Sometimes, life puts you in places where you know you belong.  Everything around you feels right.  In facts, the way you walk even feels better.  There’s a certain glow about you, because you’re where you’re where you’re supposed to be, right?  I have many times where I feel like that.  When I encounter a new group of friends, or walk through the doors of a future church home, but now I’m not sure.  I’m having one of my Africa moments.  I have them occasionally, and law school is bringing this one out.  An Africa moment, is where I want to quit everything in the states, move to Africa start an orphanage and teach kids about Jesus and accounting.  This weekend, was fantastic, getting away from law school for a bit, but the drive home felt different. 
I didn’t feel as I belonged on that particular road.  Every song I was listening to feel shallow and without purpose.  No matter how loud I sang the latest cover of Miley Cyrus’ Wrecking Ball, I didn’t feel better about coming back to reading case after case.  Maybe the excitement of law school from the first month is rubbing off, and I’m starting to see what my future holds for the next three years.  Or, maybe I’m learning something else?  My life has always been guided truly in never being comfortable.  Never having a traditional home and family, but I’ve always felt like God put me where I needed to be. 
Yes, there were times when I realized it right then, that God had put me somewhere I needed to be.  But, other times it took me years to realize why I was where, I was.  Maybe this is one of those times where I won’t know exactly what my purpose is, here.  I know you’re reading this and pouncing to let me know your thoughts.  “Joseph, you’re there to get a law degree, to further your education, so one day you can take care of your family.” 
I like reading the Bible, and one thing I love taking from it, is it never wants you to be comfortable.  So, I feel a bit of guilt and shame when I will have locked myself into nearly seven years of post-high school graduation.  Told God, “Hey, show me where to go, but make sure it’s where I choose to attend college/law school!”

“Hey God, make me a fisher of man, but please do it here in Lubbock, I have class here for a while.”

But, then I argue with myself,  “Joseph, you are where God has put you for a reason. “  Who’s reason?  Who’s plan?  Sure, I pray about where I am, but who put me here?  Yes, I believe I have good motives for wanting to go to law school, but did God pick me up and put me in a car and say, “Go to Lubbock, reading case after case, spotting issues for three years, and make a great attorney, and if you have time, tell some people about me.”

            So, as I drove home this weekend, as I approached the bright lights of Lubbock something just didn’t feel right.  A sense of belonging just wasn’t there.  What am I doing in life?  Who am I?  What does God want of me, and does he want me to stay here, in Lubbock?

            Don’t worry, I’ll be at my 8 a.m. I will not be dropping out of law school, but God makes me think.  He teaches me to never be comfortable, and for that I am thankful.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Love and Now

Love makes us all do crazy things.  We’ve heard it before, and yet we choose to be incapacitated over it.  The way we feel, our lives revolving around someone so wonderful, beautiful, and innocent of all wrongs our minds can’t picture anything wrong about them.  The two of us, the two of whoever comes to mind is something beautiful.  Love is simply beautiful.  There really is no other way to describe the feeling. 
Sure, there are a million words to describe how love really makes us feel, but in the end it’s beautiful and a lot of times we choose to be in it than out of it.  But, finding someone that is the key isn’t it.  So, many of my friends when we go back to church without a hand to hold, or a pretty face to introduce are always questioned about the non-existance of well…the one.  “Joseph, so good to see you, are you dating?” 
“Joseph, you look great, but you know what would look better?  A cute girl on your side?” 
“Well, are you not looking? Surely, there is one out there right now.”

I get those questions a lot.  But, why does love always have to be shared so exclusively and limited?  The thought that love can only exist, and that a person can only be whole when walking side by side is foreign to me.  Don’t mistake me, I hope to marry one day, find that girl who will handle my humor and bad eating habits, but now love is all around. 
I find I love a lot more when I’m single.  I know what you’re thinking… Wow, Joseph, keep this PG.  But, really, I love more freely when I’m single.  When I’m not committed exclusively to one person, there’s more to love.  When I’m driving down the road when I’m usually not rushing to see one specific person, and I’m free to stop to help someone.  When a conversation with a friend needs to last longer, and there’s no date to worry about being late to.  It’s easier to love.
I watched the Spectacular Now yesterday, and I must say it was moving.  A high school relationship between a popular guy and an unknown girl; the girl starting her first relationship, the guy picking up a rebound from his last.  Their love is so easy to poke at, the first feelings of love, as an onlooker you can’t help but shake your head as you know all too well how this will end.  But, really while their relationship is key to the plot, conflict, it’s all about living in the now.  As Sutter, the guy, puts it so well, “This right here, is beautiful, this is the youngest we are ever going to be, this is our time.  Live in the NOW.”  The now, the time that we are all experiencing together with all too different emotions and thoughts, but we are all hoping for one thing, love. You see, love is simply beautiful.  It gives us the power to move on from the past, hope for the future, and to live in the now.  The now is here, where love is needed from everyone around you.  Whether romantically, friendly, brotherly, you name it, love is needed all around.  Don’t get me wrong, romantic love, between two people is amazing, but don’t limit love exclusively to that.  In the Spectacular Now, love is learned simply by being present, realizing we can’t change the past, and can’t write our future’s in pen.  So, when love comes, well live in the now.  Be love wherever you go, and find someone loving as boldly as you. Yes, love is beautiful and when shared between the right two people it’s a force that in the moment cannot be stopped, it’s spectacular.  I’ll just let Robert Fulgam finish this out,

“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.”